48 #LosingAFantasy

Teddi couldn't keep from smiling at the sound of the front bell.  Despite his grumpy attitude toward Pierce's weekend visit, she was still excited about seeing Jon.  Even his stifled laughter during their call had sparked a tingle of excitement.

 

He still hadn't finished the Twitter homework as of five minutes ago, but maybe she could entice him into it after a glass of wine.  The thought of their naked bodies twisted into a complex Boy Scout knot was more thrilling than the figure-hugging fabric of her new dress against naked skin.

 

Single tank straps split into double ones at the back of the fitted bodice, and that was the only complex feature of the garment.  Simple beige cloth was woven with a healthy dose of Lycra that molded her body from shoulders to knee – except for the plunging vee that displayed a risqué amount of cleavage.   

Thank God for the built-in bra, because there was no room for undergarments under the clingy little number.  Normally, that would give her cause of concern, but Teddi thought Jon might rather like it.  She’d gotten enough pleasure from anticipating his reaction to justify the price of rush delivery and the pain of stepping outside her conservative comfort zone. 

 

Hopefully, that wasn’t the end of the evening’s pleasure.

 

"Hello.”  Her greeting was warmed by appreciation for his untucked shirt.  The ivory linen was perfect for a humid summer day, and the fact that was only half-buttoned over his jeans increased the personal humidity between Teddi's legs. 

 

Her only saving grace was that he didn’t have his August beach tan yet.  Adding bronzed skin to the mix would take the man from sinfully sexy to scandalously irresistible.  As it was, she could keep control long enough to offer him a drink.

 

“Nice dress,” he admired lazily, drawing off dark sunglasses when crossing into the foyer.  The compliment was emphasized by the heavy hand that blanketed Teddi’s hip and squeezed while he brushed leisurely lips against her cheek.  “Even though it’s fucking beige.”

 

Loose hair brushed her shoulders when she turned a delighted chuckle into his face.  He didn’t seem to be in any hurry to move his hand and she savored its weight while sassing, “I look good in beige.”

 

“You look better in nothing.”  The appreciative gleam that accompanied the compliment had her pulse fluttering.  “And I bet you’re hot as hell in red.”

 

“Maybe someday I’ll test that theory,” she mused without any real thought of doing so.  After all, they were just playing a game.  It was a clothed form of foreplay.  “If you’d finished your homework, I’d say you were on a fast track to the boudoir.  If you want to log into your Twitter app and tap out a few characters, we could skip the wine and go straight upstairs.”

 

The light suggestion doused his escalating heat like a bucket of ice water, and she felt the chill when Jon’s hand drifted away.  Her pulse went from flutter to stutter as gleaming blue eyes were dulled by a preoccupation that pushed his gaze absently around the foyer.

 

“Wine sounds good.”

 

“Very well,” was her gracious agreement, even though Teddi would rather stomp her foot in frustration. 

 

There was nothing more disheartening than foreplay that turned into ... play.  She was left on edge, and gauging by the fidgety hands pushing into his pockets, whatever came next would be a far cry from the boudoir.

 

Her wedge cork sandals were silent on the tile as she led the way into the kitchen and made a beeline for the cabinets.  Withdrawing two stemless wineglasses, she forced herself to transition from harlot to hostess and make small talk.    

 

“I hope your errand this afternoon went well.”

 

“Yeah.”  He accepted the glasses while she went to the fetch the chilling wine.  “Tori’s contract was missing a signature, so I went to her house.”

 

Condensation on the bottle - or perhaps shock - had it nearly slipping from Teddi’s grasp.  She tucked a second hand under it to prevent tragedy and assured herself that he simply collected a signature. 

 

The assurance was futile, however, since they were talking about Tori.  Her cousin had a tendency to say anything and everything that came to mind, so there was no telling what transpired in Tinton Falls today.  If she was responsible for the foreplay that fell flat, Teddi would not be happy.

 

“Would you mind opening this?  I struggle every time.”

 

He accepted the bottle of Hampton Water with a smirk, and she turned back to the fridge for a fruit and cheese plate.

 

“It’s all about the angle.  Just put your thumbs under the edge and...”  The vacuum seal released under his touch.  “...pop.”

 

“I must not have enough thumb strength.  It usually takes a butter knife for me to break into one of those.” 

 

His laughter wasn’t stilted.  It felt natural as he poured their wine, so maybe this feeling of foreboding was simply her imagination.  She held onto that thought when leading the way into the family room. 

 

Teddi placed the charcuterie board on the table at the center of the U-shaped arrangement of dark taupe furniture and plucked up a grape.  After accepting her glass from Jon, she opted to sit at end of the nearest sofa and settled against the throw pillows while he claimed the center cushion on her left.

 

Determined to enjoy his company in whatever form it came, she swallowed the grape and picked up the small talk. “You got the contract finalized, then?”

 

“Signed, yes.  I’ll get it to the lawyers tomorrow.  They said it would take a couple of weeks to get through the red tape.  We can talk about our game plan for the company as we get closer.”

 

“Very well.”  Peabody’s didn’t interest her, anyway.  Not when Jon had again developed restless eyes that were skimming the wall of windows and landscape beyond.  “If you don’t mind my asking, is there something on your mind?  You seem a bit distracted.” 

 

Pulling a faint grimace, he pivoted on his backside to face her.  The knee of one bent leg was against the back cushion while his opposite leg hooked over its ankle, and the wineglass was tucked into the resulting crook. 

 

He rested a forearm atop the back of the sofa and apologized, “Sorry.  I did want to ask you about something.” 

 

While not as dire as “we need to talk”, the casual statement didn’t exactly give her a feeling of tranquility.

 

Teddi was trained to speak with an effortless appearance, even when anxiety was beginning to stir as it was now. Her throat and fingers were bare, so there was no point in reaching for the meditative jewelry.  The only outlet she had was the seemingly casual swipe of her thumb back and forth on the wineglass as she took her cue.

 

“Then, by all means, ask.”

 

"Okay.  Why didn't you want me spending the night last time?"

 

She blinked with surprise.  That had certainly come out of nowhere, and unless she was mistaken, there was the faintest hint of suspicion in his voice.  As though he knew Teddi hadn't been completely honest in her reasons.

 

"I believe I told you at the time that I was drained and needed some alone time to recharge."

 

"You did," he agreed with a slow nod.  "But the more I think about it, the less I believe it.  That wasn't why – or at least not the whole reason why."

 

Frankly, Teddi was flabbergasted.  He was a celebrity, for crying out loud.  He should be chomping at the bit to get out the door after sex.  Why wasn’t he simply thankful for the easy getaway instead of contemplating the reasons why it was easy? 

 

She never dreamed he might realize there her actions weren't completely honest, but she was capable of facing the accusation.  Refusing to look away or fidget, she purposefully lifted her chin as she’d been schooled to. 

 

"I don't know what would make you say that." 

 

"Intuition and my trip to Tori’s.”

 

"What in the world does Tori have to do with it?" 

 

"Nothing, really.  I was just admiring her piano, which got her to talking about one thing and then another.  She told me how your grandmother helped you overcome a speech impediment."

 

The chill that coursed through her veins was more appropriate to January than July.  That bit of personal trivia wasn’t something she shared with anyone.  Her stuttering and Grandmother’s “home remedy” for it were family secrets.  The only people who knew were named Peabody, and even they were unaware of how many actual hours she'd spent locked in her room with nothing but 'The Lord's Prayer' for company. 

 

Grandmother believed the stutter to be evidence of a spiritual possession and said it must be exorcised before Teddi’s tongue would be healed.  That zealous conviction led to hours, weeks and years of solitary confinement in which her sole task was to "beseech God's forgiveness for the evil Gypsy blood" that tainted her.  Every day, she would recite ‘The Lord’s Prayer’.  Over and over and over she repeated the same words until finally, at age eight, they came without hesitation.

 

According to Grandmother, that was evidence of God’s mercy being delivered.

 

Prior to the arrival of that magical moment, Teddi was forbidden to speak to anyone but Grandmother.  There were a few covert conversations with talkative Tori, but for the most part, she remained mute for her first three years as a Peabody.  It was what inspired Endicott and Deidre’s belief that she suffered from a mental affliction.

 

It was something adult Teddi tried to pretend didn’t happen, and the fact that Jon knew was humiliating.

 

“Tori had no right to share that."

 

In response to her iciness, he calmly countered, "I'm glad she did.  It gives me a little insight into why you're only comfortable to be yourself behind locked doors."

 

Teddi tipped up her wineglass to swallow the remaining rosé along with the fear that came with being exposed.  It put her on the defensive, and leaning over to place the empty glass on the table, she demanded bluntly, "Why do you care?" 

 

"What do you mean, why do I care?"

 

He seemed genuinely confused, but she wasn't in the right headspace to tread lightly or with diplomacy.  The perma-filter between her brain and her mouth was hopelessly clogged, and the words came spilling over and around it. 

 

"You're a fantasy.  All you're supposed to care about is crazy, unforgettable sex.  My psychological quirks shouldn't interest you."

 

"Well, I've got news for you, baby.  I'm not a goddamn fantasy."  He pitched forward to snatch her hand and plant the palm against his bare sternum.  "Feel that heartbeat?  I'm a flesh and blood man, and I'm damn sure made of more than a dick."

 

"Of course you are," she snapped.  "But your dick is the part I’m on borrowed time with.  You'll be around to stage our Peabody's coup and to finish your run for the Hall.  I may even get Christmas cards from you for the next twenty years, but the clothing-optional Jon Bon Jovi?  I don't get to keep him, and I know it.  That’s why I asked you leave!"

 

Handsome features contorted with raw frustration.  "Sending me away because you can't keep me makes no fucking sense."

 

"It makes all the sense in the world."  Fingers that he refused to let her take from his chest curled into the hair there as Teddi’s adrenaline rush slowed to a trickle.  "Sex is just sex.  Lying in the dark and listening to you breathe is painfully intimate, and it requires a vulnerability I can’t afford.  I would no longer be able to watch you leave without wondering if you’re coming back.  To be okay when you just… don’t.”

 

She didn't even realize was fixated on watching the fingers that stroked his crisp, silver chest hair until he commanded, "Look at me."

 

There was a rough undercoat to the words that made her hesitate.  When she lifted her face, whatever Teddi saw would rattle her to the core.  She knew it with the same intuition he’d claimed a moment ago, and it had her lingering so long that he had to repeat the command before she would seek his eyes.

 

"You said you know when I'm being a pill, right?  Spouting bullshit?”  When she dipped a hesitant chin, he demanded, “Then tell me… am I being a pill when I tell you to stop cheating us out of a beginning and middle by focusing on the end?  To stop expecting every time to be the last?  To believe I’m enjoying this the same way you are?”

  

The intensity of blue irises was every bit as unsettling as she’d feared., and it wasn't something that countless JBJ interview videos had prepared her for.  This wasn’t a look he practiced for the camera.  This was raw, real and unscripted.  

 

“No, you’re not being a pill.”  He spoke the naked truth, and Teddi was the one who felt exposed. "But you are scaring the hell out of me."

 

"Why? Because I want the option of sleeping with you after sex?  My snoring isn't that bad."

 

His free hand came up to sweep the hair from her cheek and lightly tuck it behind an ear.  The gesture was sweetly intimate and she didn’t know if it was that intimacy or his words that stirred a bone-deep shiver, but it had to pass before she could force out her answer.  "Because it sounds like you plan on coming back after you do."

 

There was just the slightest tilt to his mouth as fingertips continued to curve over and around her ear.  The rhythmic motion was almost as mesmerizing as the twinkle of gentle humor in his eyes. 

 

"Sorry that scares the hell out of you, but yeah.  That's the deal.  Unless I tell you different before I walk out the door, I’m coming back."