17 #NewFriends

July 1, 2017
Saturday

 

[10:30AM]TORI:  Peach season?  WTF?

 

Teddi’s cheeks heated.  She’d tried to convince herself it was a coincidence that he posted a photo of fresh peaches after making that “inappropriate use of emojis” remark.  In the middle of the night she gave up all pretense of misunderstanding.  The man had sent a suggestive message about her “fruits”.  One that only she would understand.

 

The image of that juicy peach and the wickedness that must’ve been in his eyes when posting it…  Combining the two with one of her favorite bullet vibrators was the perfect recipe for the cream to go with those peaches.  Not one that she’d jot down on a recipe card, but Teddi didn’t need to.  She would remember how to make it.

 

[10:32 AM]TEDDI: You’d have to ask him what it means.

[10:33 AM]TORI: I did.  The mf’er doesn’t respond to any of the questions or comments on his posts.  Didn’t you teach him any manners?

It wouldn’t matter what she “taught” him, Jon had a mind of his own and would do as he pleased.  Responding to random followers wouldn’t achieve his end goal.  Teddi wasn’t going to waste her time with it. 

 

[10:34 AM]TEDDI: Reality is that he will never reply once his verified account goes live.  There’s no point in badgering him to do it now.  He already refuses to use hashtags. 

[10:35 AM]TORI: Stubborn ass.

[10:36 AM]TEDDI: That’s the only complaint you’ve EVER had about his ass.

[10:37 AM]TORI:  Le sigh. Ain’t that the truth? 

The hashtags were becoming a battle of wills.  She would comment #ahem, but Jon persisted in ignoring the reminder and leaving his posts hashtag-free.  Maybe it wasn’t so much a battle as a game?  Did he like teasing her?  She couldn’t imagine him as a dense man, and it was most assuredly dense not to use them. 

 

Her only hope was that he’d stop being childish about it when assuming control of the verified Instagram and Twitter accounts.  He’d better.  If she was being a responsible adult and controlling her hormones for no good reason, Teddi would be ticked.

 

You’re enjoying it.  Playing with him brings a thrill to your otherwise quiet days.  Maybe not the same thrill you’d like to get, but you’re savoring those instances of connection as much as the innuendo. 

 

He was Jon Bon Jovi.  What sane woman wouldn’t savor them? 

 

 

July 3, 2017
Monday

 

looking43bears:  Our mutual friend doesn’t think I should meet you, so I obviously want to.

 

Teddi had her full name on this Instagram account, so it wasn’t as though she was trying to be incognito, but the familiarity in the direct message still took her by surprise.  She couldn’t recall the last time a stranger had sent her a message, and there had never been one who claimed to know her friends. 

 

Then again, she didn’t really have friends in the traditional sense.  She had family and a few online acquaintances, but that was all.  The user called “Goldi Locks” must be referring to one of them, she decided with a thoughtful frown.  But which one? 

 

ireadskullbumps: What mutual friend might that be?

looking43bears: That Jersey guy you’re tutoring.

 

That was exceptionally vague, but she did a quick scan of the few accounts Goldi followed and found “jerseykid6232”.  Did this person know it belonged to Jon or was he/she making Jersey assumptions based on the profile name?  She certainly wasn’t going to take any chances, but curiosity wouldn’t allow her to ignore the message. 

 

ireadskullbumps: I tutor a number of clients

looking43bears: Yeah, but not much Jersey royalty, I’m guessing.  Especially one awaiting his appointment to the throne in Cleveland.

 

So Goldi Locks knew Jon, and unless Teddi missed her guess, she knew Goldi.

ireadskullbumps: If you’re friends with that royalty and go by Goldi Locks, I’m guessing that puts you in line next to him for appointment.  Perhaps playing “Chopsticks” while you wait?  Jeopardy theme?

looking43bears: More like a court jester playing “U Can’t Touch This”, but whatev.  When can I pencil you in on my calendar Teddi… Bear.  Ha!  Bear.  Goldilocks and the Bear.  Funny shit.

She didn’t know whether to laugh or ask him for the results of his most recent psych evaluation.  Surely, he’d had at least one.

 

ireadskullbumps: You’re either funny or a sociopath Mr. Bryan.  I haven’t decided which.  In either case, unless you’re in need of my non-psychological professional services, I’m afraid there will be no penciling.  Sorry.

looking43bears: Tsk.  I heard you were a Jovi fan, yet when a founding member asks to come knocking on your door, you refuse?  I smell something rotten in Denmark.

ireadskullbumps: I’m in New Jersey, not Denmark, but geography aside… What possible reason could you have for wanting to meet me? 

looking43bears: Not that I need a reason, but I do have a stake in the outcome of this social media experiment you’re engineering.  Seems only fair that I meet the puppeteer pulling my boy’s strings.

That was hogwash.  Whatever is reason, it had nothing to do with her supposed manipulation of Jon.  These two men had been close for decades.  David Bryan knew good and well that Jon wasn’t going to tolerate manipulation.

 

ireadskullbumps: Your “boy” is hardly a puppet, and pardon me for stating the obvious but… Did it occur to you that the final outcome will be based more on your careers rather than a social media blitz?  My role is to raise fan awareness, which I will, but don’t go blaming me if the Hall is stupid about their selections.

looking43bears: You’ve got a bite there, Bear.

ireadskullbumps: No bite.  I’m just grounding your flight of fancy.  Now that the plane has come to a complete stop, feel free to remove your seatbelt and share the real reason for your interest in me.

looking43bears:  Hey, I was just trying to be diplomatic, but I can do blunt.  Your name and credentials say you’ve got a stick lodged far enough up your ass to be a popsicle.  Our friend says you don’t, but based on this little chat, I say he lies.  It’s now a matter of proving I’m right.

Teddi choked out a laugh of surprise.  The diagnosis was leaning sharply toward sociopath.  If not that, then some other psychoses.  The safest path with handling the unhinged was to just go along for the ride, and even if he was completely sane, it was also the quickest way out of the conversation.

 

ireadskullbumps:  I come from a long line of popsicles, so you’re absolutely right about the stick. Problem solved.

looking43bears: LOL!  And now I’m questioning myself again.  C’mon.  Put me out of my misery.  I’ll pay for a social media consult.

ireadskullbumps: Now it’s my turn to be blunt.  I don’t like visitors.  My consultations are conducted via phone or video call. 

looking43bears: I know for a fact that you held a face 2 face consult less than 2 weeks ago.

Good grief, he was tenacious.  Teddi certainly didn’t want Jon’s friend ticked at her, but for heaven’s sake….

 

ireadskullbumps: That consult was an accident.  Someone’s admin assistant was supposed to have cancelled it.

looking43bears: You don’t like being wrong, do you?

ireadskullbumps: Nor do you, it seems.

looking43bears: Touchè.

She waited a beat.  Then two, three, four…  Was that it?  Could she be lucky enough for him to have lost interest?

 

looking43bears: Why don’t you like visitors?

An agitated huff underscored the ambient music in her office.  The lute was starting to grate on her nerves a bit, ruffling Teddi’s feathers enough to shoot off an impulsive truth.

 

ireadskullbumps: Because I’m antisocial

 

looking43bears: Wowww.  Talk about ironic.  If the social media guru really IS antisocial, then that would give you and the Prince of Jersey something in common.  Well, he’s anti-social media, but close enough.  Do you really look like June Cleaver

 

Teddi’s head snapped back and she scowled at the phone screen as though Google translate had converted her message to Sanskrit.  What in the ever-loving world was he talking about?

 

ireadskullbumps: I beg your pardon??

looking43bears: He said you look like a modern version of June Cleaver.  You know who that is, right?

Jon had compared her to a fifties’ television mom who wore high heels and pearls?  Her psychology degree immediately went to work on dissecting that thought process, and Teddi got nothing pleasant from the outcome. 

 

Did you really believe he thought of you as Marilyn Monroe?  He asked you to bake cookies.

 

She huffed with mild disgust at both his view of her and how distressing she found it to be.  He’d said he wasn’t unaffected.  He’d flirted with her.  The man had posted suggestive fruit!  How could he think of her as June Cleaver?

 

Because he knows how to work a room to his advantage. 

 

Damnation.  Teddi was normally content with who she was – who people thought she was – but his perception was bothersome.

 

Then show him who you are.

 

She couldn’t.  He hired her to do a job – one that was important to him.

 

Return the money.  If you provide services at no cost, that eliminates your ethics issue.

 

Why in the world hadn’t she thought of that in the beginning? 

 

Because you have bills to pay.

 

She also had other work.  There had been two consults just today.  Nothing long-term, but Teddi wasn’t going to go without electricity or food.

 

Too bad dear old Dad won’t be leaving you anything in his will.  The money would be nice, and seeing Deidre and Endicott lose their minds would be even better.

 

Yes, well that wasn’t going to happen.  The only reason he’d ever tolerated her was because of Grandmother Peabody.  With her gone, there was no obligation to be civil, and Teddi couldn’t imagine him as the type to have deathbed remorse.

 

She was fine.  Maybe there wasn’t a fleet of Cadillacs in her future, but she was by no means destitute.  The house was paid for, thanks to Grandmother Peabody’s estate, and the debt Truman left behind had finally been resolved earlier this year.  Doing pro bono work for Bon Jovi wouldn’t put her on the streets.

 

looking43bears: Soo……. you DON’T know who that is? 

Having become so engrossed in the conversation with herself, Teddi had almost forgotten she was having a two-party conversation. 

 

ireadskullbumps: I do know, although I’m not sure why he’d refer to me that way.  No kids, high heels or pearls here.

looking43bears: In that case, I definitely need to meet you.  Final answer.  To form my own opinion and all. 

ireadskullbumps: For the love of God, let it go already.

looking43bears: No can do.  Letting shit go isn’t in my DNA, phrenology phriend.  Cool sideline, btw.

Naturally, he would appreciate her rather unusual hobby.  From everything she’d seen and heard – experienced this evening, for that matter – indicated that he was an unusual man.  Yet another reason she didn’t want to meet him.  His unpredictability was affecting her anxiety through social media.  Just thinking about encountering it in person had Teddi reaching for her necklace. 

 

But if he doesn’t think you’re June Cleaver, would that get back to Jon?  And make him reconsider his opinion?

 

That possibility was so remote that it wasn’t a factor in her decision.

 

ireadskullbumps: Thank you.  I find skulls interesting.  That’s still a no for the meeting, however.  Concede defeat gracefully.  Don’t make me block you.

looking43bears: Damn, you’re harsh. 

ireadskullbumps: Nice try, but a guilt trip isn’t going to change my mind.

looking43bears: Sigh.  Fine.  I can get to know you by chatting. 

It would be in Teddi’s best interest to block him and his peculiar persistence, but unusual or not, he seemed nice enough.  He made it a point to interact with fans during concerts and always took the time for photo opportunities with them – from what she could decipher online.  His aura was also surprisingly tranquil, giving the impression that he was never riled.  That was a positive. 

 

He’s going to be a Hall of Fame musician, Teddi.  He’s in your favorite band, even if you don’t fantasize about him.  You’re an idiot to refuse.

 

ireadskullbumps: It would be my pleasure.

looking43bears: Cool.  Now… What’s your favorite Jovi keyboard solo?  #inquiringminds #keyboardsmaketheband

Well, at least David Bryan didn’t have a vendetta against hashtags.  If nothing else, their chats would make a great psychology study.

 

 

July 4, 2017
Tuesday

 

jerseykid6232:  God bless America.

                

looking43bears:  Light one up!
1sassielassie:  I loooove fireworks!  Which display is your favorite?  New York, I guess?
gypsysoulle:  Beautiful.  They’re almost as vibrant as the ones in my bedroom.
cherrysnark: Niice.  I think my neighborhood kids were trying to recreate it at 1 this morning.
ireadskullbumps: Enjoy the holiday.  #ahem #fireworks #independence #anything
vinniefarrell_8:  Answer the lassie’s question for a change, would ya?  #rudefucker

July 5, 2017
Wednesday

 

[8:57 AM]TEDDI:  #rudefucker?  Really???

[8:59 AM]TORI:  Whaat?  He is! 

[9:00 AM]TEDDI:  You’re supposed to be my assistant!  Calling the client names isn’t helpful.

[9:02 AM]TORI: But it’s funny as hell.  And I’m playing the troll roll.  Or is it role?  You know what I mean.

[9:03 AM]TEDDI: I’m starting to regret this…

[9:04 AM]TORI:  Speaking of regrets…

[9:05 AM]TEDDI: Oh, God. Do I even want to know?

[9:07 AM]TORI: No, but I have to tell you anyway. Promising was the only way I could keep Mom from calling you. 

[9:08 AM]TEDDI: Tell me already.

[9:10 AM]TORI: Your dad died last night.